“This is not a criticism to be cast aside lightly. It should be hurled with great force.” (With apologies to Dorothy Parker)

People sometimes wonder why I can be so critical of contemporary Modernists (as opposed to plain old Modernism, which I like). The following gossip from the Architect's Newspaper, a bimonthly I often read, shows some of the reasons why.

Faced with the success of New Urbanism, some ideological Modernists throw whatever mud and slander they can think of at New Urbanism and New Urbanists, like "Fellow New Yorkers, beware," "their radical brand of Main Street nostalgia," "the cultish Congress for the New Urbanism." "Code Yellow," "the Executive Bureau under the State Commissariat of the People's Directorate" [so we're both Communists and Republicans, see below], “a hollering match over who was closer to [CNU president] John Norquist—as if he were Kim Jong Il or something," and "We, however, are still terrified. 'It felt like being in a roomful of Republicans,” our informant says, “with their strange fanaticism and extremely bad haircuts.'"

If the condensation sounds comical, read the full item, and you'll see it's mainly confused (and deceitful). It's written by Aric Chen, the poor man's Guttersniper. The good news is I have more readers than him, or his paper. And they spelled my name right.

Anyway, the story was this: I made a motion to move an election discussion from after two presentations to before. The group voted for the motion, and during the short discussion an election committee was formed. End of story, as they say in England.

THE NEW URBANISTS ARE COMING!

Fellow New Yorkers, beware: There are New Urbanists among us, and they have started to organize. Eavesdrop has learned that, in their crusade to spread their radical brand of Main Street nostalgia, followers of the cultish Congress for the New Urbanism are starting a local chapter. At present, however, we're still at Code Yellow; they’re too busy fighting among themselves to do any harm. One of our undercover agents infiltrated last month’s midtown meeting of the Chapter Organizing Committee of the Congress for the New Urbanism (of the Executive Bureau under the State Commissariat of the People's Directorate) and filed this report: “[Committee chair] Ted Andrews was running everything and, all of a sudden, a large, bearded, overbearing guy stands up and tries to commandeer the meeting with the aim of making himself leader.” The agitator in question was New Urbanist blogger John Massengale, and “rarely have I seen such bluster,” continues our spy, who adds that the gathering quickly degenerated into “a hollering match over who was closer to [CNU president] John Norquist—as if he were Kim Jong Il or something. It was so scary it was comical.” The arguments, however, were largely over procedural matters. And with his putsch getting nowhere, we’re told, Massengale (like so many comrades) simply disappeared. But we hear he hasn’t given up; later, he sent us a cryptic message saying that “everyone’s happy.” We, however, are still terrified. “It felt like being in a roomful of Republicans,” our informant says, “with their strange fanaticism and extremely bad haircuts.”

PS: I'm a registered Democrat. Funny that esoteric architects who want to tell the world how to build think that democracy in action is Radical Republican Communism.

BTW, here's my “cryptic” e-mail to Chen. He sent me a pleasant e-mail saying he hoped he “could get your side of the story,” because he'd heard there had been “quite a bit” of tension at the meeting. I wrote back,

Oh, c'mon. I read Eavesdrop — this isn't Eavesdrop-worthy.

We had a few points of view on election timing. We discussed the issue and at the meeting started an election committee to keep the ball rolling. Everyone's happy.

Thanks,

John